My Greatest Struggle: His Greatest Triumph

The wind howls around the windows outside my room. Windy nights always make for the most contemplative. (And of course, days of eighty degrees followed by days of ice and snow are always odd ones too...)

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. - Luke9:23

This was the basis for the message on Wednesday night. I can remember only one other time within the last year that I made some decisions that were this major.

As with most sermons, I listened with the expectation of hearing from God. It's never difficult to find application to my life even if I don't particularly want to. (Yes, I can be quite contrary at times.) When Preacher started talking about this verse, though, I knew I was going to hear something important. He started out talking about the hymn "Wherever He Leads, I'll Go."

Oh the story behind it is neat, but the funny thing? I really can't remember much of the introductory portion of the message. When he introduced this verse, though, it was time.

Preacher reminded us that a cross didn't just mean an undesirable task, or an uncomfortable position. No. A cross meant death.

Re-examining the verse with that in mind...wow.

God's nudged me slowly, but surely in the direction He wants me to go in. As the years have gone by, God has asked me for more and more territory in my heart. Sometimes, that territory is given without a thought. Some things, like debate, college, love...those were progressively more difficult. Even now, I have to continuously remind myself that each of those areas are firmly in God's hands and that I wouldn't have it any other way.

Last night, though, He asked me for a bit more than the extras in life (debate, college or love).

It will take some work, but I think I'm finally ready. I'm not entirely sure what all it's going to entail, so this, like many of my other adventures, will be a hike into the great unknown with my Abba Father.

I'm doomed to fail in my own strength; in fact, I admit that I've already failed many times today. But if I confess my sins, He is faithful and just...

So the point of it all? I've never actually conscientiously tried to live each and every day unto the Lord. To die to self so completely that all that is left to see, is Him. It's something I've always wished for, or would see in others and think "Wow, that's so neat. One day, I'll be like that."

I know that's a goal even the Apostle Paul only tried to accomplish. But I think my largest struggle, will not be over things like money or education or even an earthly relationship. My biggest struggle will be to voluntarily lie on a cross daily.

Even now, I'm half-wishing I hadn't said I'd try. But I've got as much time as He gives me and my God is so faithful!

I am confident that even though I fail a thousand times, He will yet lift me up a thousand and one times more if only to show Himself strong.

Because in my weakness, He is strong.

In my death, He lives.